I can honestly say I have never been so stressed out in all of my life. I will never again for as long as I live take 4 classes at a time. This is a PSA for myself, so I remember when I am scheduling my classes for next fall. My original plan was to take the spring semester off with the new baby then take one or two summer classes and then finish the rest of my classes in the fall. I have a total of five classes left. This means for my sanity I will have to take at least 2 summer classes if I am going to graduate in the spring of 2017 like I am planning.
I had completely forgotten what it is like to have a one year old and to try to do anything that requires brain power. It is IMPOSSIBLE! I accomplish NOTHING unless he’s sleeping and unfortunately his sleeping does not last as long as it used to. I can maybe get 2 hours, but during those 2 hours I have other things to do like: take a shower, do laundry, cook dinner, and tend to the needs of my other three children. He does like to go to bed around 7:30 or 8, which would be beneficial if I were home at this time. Two nights I am at school, one night I am at soccer, and the other nights I am so tired from all of the other things it is difficult to use my brain. Maybe if I wasn’t pregnant I wouldn’t be so tired and useless. I don’t know.
PSA: Never Again
Every semester I am sure to have at least one meltdown. Last Friday was the day. I had so much to accomplish and everything started spiraling out of control. The irony lies in the fact that the process downward began as I was writing a paper about an article titled “Willing to be Disturbed.” Although those words make you think I should have found peace during my 1 year olds meltdowns, my 6th graders emergency “bring me clothes” phone call once I got the 1 year old to take a nap, and the notification I received my first grade EVER that was not an “A,” but actually an “F” because I misunderstood the directions on an already nerve-wracking online test (oh wow! I could write a novel on this alone, but another day, except if I can get an A+ in physics and every other class I have taken then something is amiss in this situation and it’s not me!) the article actually pertained to a completely different idea so instead I cried and I cried some more. During my meltdown I had to go pick up yet another child from school. As I sobbed, I picked up my one year old to carry him to the car. He looked at me and laughed. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more. Of course he did, I was acting like a complete and total lunatic! He helped put things into perspective, at least for the moment.
When I got home I showed by daughter, who is a senior in high school, the test question and asked her how she would answer it. She answered it WORD for WORD the same way I did. Maybe we are both wired the same way and asking her wasn’t fair, who knows? I emailed my professor to tell her I was very confused by what she wanted and I asked for clarification. With her response she confirmed I could not even have half credit, even though half of my answers should have matched what she was asking, because I did not follow the directions. What directions? The whole thing was insanely confusing. She told me to wait for an email she would be sending the whole class the following day about the test. If I wanted to discuss it more after that she was willing. As much as I told myself all of this was stupid and didn’t matter I tossed and turned all night as I caught glimpses of fictitious emails.
When the morning finally came, I was faced with a Saturday without the help of my husband and a REALLY long list of homework. It was all too much, really it was. Fortunately he came home earlier than expected and he tried to handle things so I could get some stuff done. It was all a giant nightmare.
I sit here today on a Monday morning trying to have a good attitude, really I am. It is so hard. Monday’s and Tuesday’s are the longest days of my life. By Wednesday’s I feel some relief and then Thursday’s and Friday’s I try to cram in EVERY homework/reading assignment I have in, which is really difficult to do with a 1 year old and a child pick up at 2PM, but once the weekend comes I am out of luck. We have double headers Saturday and Sunday plus 1-2 soccer games, more if there’s a tournament.
I cannot wait until mid-December. I hate to wish the time away, but I will be so thankful when this semester is over and I will be that much closer to finishing my degree. I will only have 1 more semester of classes to endure plus a semester of student teaching. As challenging as I hear student teaching is, this is what I am looking forward to the most. That is why I saved if for the VERY last thing. Teaching is what I want to do. The most rewarding part of all my college experiences was working in the field.
Time to get to work.
My board says I have 11 weeks left, but my planner says this:
Shakespeare class: 21 more sessions
Educational Leadership: 11 more sessions
Literature for Adolescents: 8 more sessions
Structure for Modern English: That’s everyday considering its online. 😦 As a side-note, I thought I liked grammar. This is why I wanted to be an English teacher. Things have changed! My goodness! I had no idea all that it actually entailed. It makes my head spin! Give me Calculus any day of the week!
Note to self:
Do not take classes on Monday’s, especially classes that extend into the evenings. What were you thinking? Your kids make your weekends impossible. You need a day to recover.
Do not take evening classes 2 days in a row. Seriously, what were you thinking???
This week I have had little moments as I am walking along campus and I think about how quickly this will all be over. I picture myself in a classroom teaching. I have thought about my favorite mentor teacher and the field experience I was blessed to have with her two years ago. They were only 2 short weeks, but they were 2 short weeks into the glimpse of what could be the rest of my life. If I can just focus on this I will be able to get through it all.
Why did I think I could do this? Most days I don’t have 5 minutes to put together a coherent thought. Yesterday, I was so tired I could not even write properly taking notes or muster up an answer to a simple question. I keep saying I am going to have to let perfection go, but it is so much easier said than done. I just need to pass, right?
After taking 1 year off to have my sweet little Landen I am back! I have enjoyed my time off tremendously. I cherished every moment I had when I didn’t have to think about deadlines and unnecessary collaborations. Even so, at the end of July, I started to miss school. Landen is getting older. He sleeps through the night. He has a pretty consistent schedule and he takes REALLY good naps. I started to wonder what in the world I would do when he was napping and my other 3 kids were at school. I didn’t want to have the cleanest house in the neighborhood, so I went back to school. Of course, I had to find care for Landen and figuring out a good school schedule to match my mother-in-law’s availability seemed complicated at first, but it all worked out perfectly. Brian, my husband, has also had to step in A LOT to run Kiley around to her soccer practices, which are 4 times a week, but right now, she is the only one we have to run around. My oldest can drive herself and my son no longer plays football in the fall. I still have to make a detailed list each day explaining who has to be where, who is picking up, who is dropping off, what uniform is required, and where will Landen be in all of the above, but after the first few weeks I expect things to feel a little less complicated and become the new norm.
I should also mention that I am 20 weeks pregnant, which is why I call this the “year interrupted.” We are expecting our new bundle of joy on January 10th. I will obviously sit spring semester out, but hopefully return the following fall to finish my classes.