The Inevitable Meltdown

Every semester I am sure to have at least one meltdown.  Last Friday was the day.  I had so much to accomplish and everything started spiraling out of control.  The irony lies in the fact that the process downward began as I was writing a paper about an article titled “Willing to be Disturbed.”  Although those words make you think I should have found peace during my 1 year olds meltdowns, my 6th graders emergency “bring me clothes” phone call once I got the 1 year old to take a nap, and the notification I received my first grade EVER that was not an “A,” but actually an “F” because I misunderstood the directions on an already nerve-wracking online test (oh wow! I could write a novel on this alone, but another day, except if I can get an A+ in physics and every other class I have taken then something is amiss in this situation and it’s not me!) the article actually pertained to a completely different idea so instead I cried and I cried some more.  During my meltdown I had to go pick up yet another child from school.  As I sobbed,  I picked up my one year old to carry him to the car.  He looked at me and laughed.  He laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more.  Of course he did, I was acting like a complete and total lunatic!   He helped put things into perspective, at least for the moment.

When I got home I showed by daughter, who is a senior in high school, the test question and asked her how she would answer it.  She answered it WORD for WORD the same way I did.  Maybe we are both wired the same way and asking her wasn’t fair, who knows? I emailed my professor to tell her I was very confused by what she wanted and I asked for clarification.  With her response she confirmed I could not even have half credit, even though half of my answers should have matched what she was asking, because I did not follow the directions. What directions? The whole thing was insanely confusing.  She told me to wait for an email she would be sending the whole class the following day about the test.  If I wanted to discuss it more after that she was willing.  As much as I told myself all of this was stupid and didn’t matter I tossed and turned all night as I caught glimpses of fictitious emails.
When the morning finally came, I was faced with a Saturday without the help of my husband and a REALLY long list of homework.    It was all too much, really it was.  Fortunately he came home earlier than expected and he tried to handle things so I could get some stuff done. It was all a giant nightmare. 
I sit here today on a Monday morning trying to have a good attitude, really I am.  It is so hard. Monday’s and Tuesday’s are the longest days of my life. By Wednesday’s I feel some relief and then Thursday’s and Friday’s I try to cram in EVERY homework/reading assignment I have in, which is really difficult to do with a 1 year old and a child pick up at 2PM, but once the weekend comes I am out of luck.  We have double headers Saturday and Sunday plus 1-2 soccer games, more if there’s a tournament.
I cannot wait until mid-December.  I hate to wish the time away, but I will be so thankful when this semester is over and I will be that much closer to finishing my degree.  I will only have 1 more semester of classes to endure plus a semester of student teaching.  As challenging as I hear student teaching is, this is what I am looking forward to the most. That is why I saved if for the VERY last thing.  Teaching is what I want to do.  The most rewarding part of all my college experiences was working in the field.
Time to get to work.

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