I forgot what the anticipation of test day was like. No matter how well I know the material, just the word “TEST” throws me into a tizzy. I am short tempered, nervous, and I can’t concentrate on anything. Part of the issue is the pressure I place upon myself. For some reason I have in my mind that anything less than a 100% is failure. Of course, I forgot I was like this until I was introduced to taking tests once again. I have no idea from where this idea stems, but this does add some clarification to Aubrey’s thought process. Obviously it’s genetic and I have unfortunately passed it along to my poor sweet daughter. A few nights ago, noting my stress level, Brian in attempt to ease the situation stated, “You know employers don’t look at your GPA, right?” As if knowing this would someone suddenly change the disposition ingrained within the psyche I’ve had my entire life. I wish it were that easy to let go.
However, as I have taken on more and more in my life, I have learned to let some things go. It is about survival. I have had to do it in order to keep my sanity. Perhaps school will follow suite, although I highly doubt it because my grades are completely and solely about me. I will not fail myself. Hopefully though I can learn to cope with test day a little better. I’ll have 4 long years of practice. Oh, and if you need to know the difference between the English Settlements of the Chesapeake and New England, I can recount it to you in my sleep – along with every important detail of the 17th century. For what reason this information is vital to my life, I do not know – I am an English education major 🙂